UM Helmet and Ball – Courtesy of Miami Hurricane Athletics

The University of Miami announced the early season heat-stroke schedule and boy, they are lucky they have serious Mario momentum, because being at the first two games in person will be a hellish experience.

The September 3 opener vs Bethune-Cookman will be at 3:30, so while the Wildcats get cooked on the field by the Canes, you’ll be getting cooked in the stands as my almanac predicts a heat index of 110 or above at kickoff. Sure, it will get slightly cooler by the 4th quarter…actually, no it won’t. Listen, I’m not advocating for anyone to not go to Mario’s first game. I’m just telling you that I’m not going to be there. I have a beautiful 70-inch 4k TV and recently had to spend $8k on a new AC, so I need to start getting a ROI on my investments.

Next up is Southern Mississippi (I will always spell out Mississippi, because I like spelling it in my head as I type it) on September 10 and the ACCN execs have decided the 12:00p slot needed a game. Well awesome! Enjoy the 5a wakeup call tailgate heroes. Heat index for kickoff is estimated to be 101 for no other reason than it’s early September in Miami Gardens.

Lastly, Texas A&M on the road. ESPN paying the game the respect it deserves with a Primetime 9p kickoff. Yes, it will be a long day, but you’re also not a rookie. Pace yourself and factor in a nap at some point and make sure you stay sober for this one, because we’re gonna win it.

We’re 3-0 at this point. Book it.